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As A Ten Year Old, I Was Bullied So Much That I Had Started Hating My Own Name

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

We all have beautiful memories of childhood. From school, friends, bunking classes, proxy attendances, those extra classes used to just have fun, trying to hide our faces when the teacher asked random questions, first love (I know we all have experienced that). Anyways this part of my life is withdrawn from these beautiful memories. Let me tell you the story of how I started hating my name. It sounds weird, how can a person start hating his/her own name? Well, that's happened to me. So, this all started from Class 6 (10 years ago). As per me, back then I was a simple, sweet, average looking girl, mediocre in studies, good in sports and I had a lot of friends. I don't know why some guys in my class started stalking me. Not only did they start following me, they started sending me gifts which I never wanted, shouting my name outside my house, and all the nonsense that a 10-11-year-old can do.

Trust me I was not able to handle this. It is traumatic for me, as a 10-year-old to make my parents understand that I am not at fault.

My parents never blamed me for this. But I was getting bullied at school, and this was heartbreaking. I complained to the teachers, principal, their parents but nothing helped for more than a day or two. It’s worth mentioning that one of the guys was my dad’s friend’s son. I complained to his dad as well, but nothing much happened. I know his dad was ashamed of what his son was doing. Then came the blaming session - I started to blame myself. It was a kind of depression. I started dressing shabbily and used to cry in front of the mirror and pray to god to make me ugly. Now I laugh at myself for praying all this nonsense. I was not a18-19-year-old to handle this kind of stuff with ease.

This kind of harassment started increasing day by day and my self-confidence started decreasing. From a lively, confident girl I started behaving stupid and dumb.

It increased to the level that I had to shift from one school to another. It didn't stop here. In my new school, everyone believed that I was ‘chaalu’ (God knows who told them). Trust me, back then I didn’t even fully understand what that meant, and thus I was left alone for none of my faults. But slowly things started getting fine, I made new friends, and everything was going well in my new school for about two or three years. Then I met some of my old school friends again in common tuition classes. They told me about all the weird things that they heard about me after I left school. I was shaken. I thought this was over, but no it was still there. It grew to a level that I had to hide my name in my tuition classes as the reputation of my full name had gone for a toss. It was traumatic. Yes, for a 12-13-year-old it was traumatic. I remember once a guy asked me my name and I told him XYZ ABC, and he looked at me and said, “oh you are XYZ ABC!” And he started laughing. I was baffled. I didn’t know how to react. So when today I analyze my situation back then, I realize that our society easily blames girls for none of her faults. She is forced to hate her beauty so that no one sees her and tortures her for being good looking or attractive. I think what is more frustrating is when society starts looking down and blames the girl for “asking for it”.

I would like to say that, “no it’s the mentality that makes a young girl believe that she is wrong. Please stop blaming little girls for someone else’s fault and please don’t wash away their innocence with unnecessary guilt, fear and tears”.

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