open letter sisters indian family fights sadness anger

Sisters Are Supposed To Help You Out, But Mine Only Stab Me In The Back

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am Lakshmi - Radhika’s and Saradha’s younger sister. I am writing this blunt letter to both my sisters because I cannot put up with their ill- treatment anymore. Today, I am just pouring out the feelings that I have for them. I know they will feel strongly about it when they read this.

But I don’t care. Facts are facts.

I feel they made me their scapegoat because they wanted to cover up their own personal problems.

Saradha: Bala and you chose to ill-treat me after our father passed away. There was only one reason behind it. I did not want to be under your supervision like our mother. You knew why I rejected your offer. You knew that your in-laws did not want both of us to stay with you. I too wanted to stay away from your personal politics.

You felt insecure because I was leading an independent life. This was evident when you frequently dumped all your personal frustrations on me.

You mistreated me for four years and criticized me for anything that I did on my own. I did not take the help that you offered me. I chose to ignore all the grooms that you selected for me. I bought a car on my own. So you passed sarcastic remarks about me. You called me ungrateful because I did not listen to you although you had helped me get a job. You stooped to your lowest level by saying that you could not plan a second baby because I was giving you so many problems.

Tell me honestly – did I deserve the treatment that you gave me?

Maybe I had wronged you in some way. But you could have spoken to me about it openly. You could have also decided to maintain your distance with me.

But who gave you the right to humiliate me? Maybe both of you just did what you did because there was no one to question you.

I knew you were jealous of all the people who were eager to get married to me. I knew you compared all of them with your husband. You even went to the extent of interfering in my personal affairs with my past friend. You did not inform me about what you had done. You even tried to project a completely different image to my past friend.

That was your most unforgivable act.

Your entire family and all your friends took turns to insult me. They kept discussing all my personal problems and abused me because I was taking my own time to get married. It was at that time that I clearly understood both of you.

You had no right to discuss all my personal problems with others.

I was even more scared of both of you when you did not spare me even after I got married. It was as if we were participants in a competition. You compared my status with yours openly.

All you wanted to do was to prove that you were the best.

I will never forgive you for what you did when I came home after getting married. You threatened me in front of my spouse. You openly said that it would take you just a few moments to ruin my life forever. All you needed to do was to open up my past life. You also said that I had been disrespectful to all of you.

How can a sister do this to her own sister?

It was quite apparent that you were jealous of all that was happening in my life. But I want to ask you just one thing. How would you feel if I did the same thing to you? Would you want to see me again in your life if I shared the details of all your affairs and crushes with your family members?

What did you gain by spoiling the family life of a new married couple?

True happiness lies in letting others be happy. Today, I have lost everything in my life. So there is no need for you to stress about anything anymore.

Your envy truly ruined my life forever.

Radhika: I came to you when I was facing issues in my family life. I wanted Shiv’s and your advice because I respected both of you. I thought you were a mature couple. I was thankful because both of you stood by me till I got married.

But even today I get upset when I remember your words. You said that I got married because I just “needed sex.” You said I wanted a divorce now because of my past. I believed in fidelity. I wanted to know the truth in our marriage. I was not in it just for ‘sex.’

Having sex with my partner becomes my right when I get married to him doesn’t it?

If you had asked me about it even once – I would have explained my side of things to you. But you just started judging me harshly based on your own assumptions and jealous feelings.

Let’s just for a moment accept that I could not stop myself from consummating my marriage even though we had been married for four years now. Let’s assume I was yearning for sex at the age of 37. Fine! But how could you forget that you could not even wait for one year to consummate your marriage? In fact, you were not even ashamed to discuss your issue with the elders in your home. You even made them question your husband.

You married Shiv against his wishes knowing very well that he loved someone else. Thanks to all the family drama that happened - you got all the support you needed to marry him. In fact, you even created a family of your own by forcing him to fall in with your wishes. 

But it was your life and you chose to lead it your way.

Everything was out in the open in your case so you dealt with it effectively. What would you have done if you had never known about his affair or his feelings? Then you would be in my situation.

But did you ever stop to think about such things?

You have been married for 20 years now and have two grown-up kids. Yet, you watch over him when he is with his cousins or female friends.

You do this because you still feel insecure about him.

My spouse had been cheating on me for 4 years and I was still finding reasons for all the issues we were facing in our marriage. Yet you had the gumption to call me dramatic when I confided in you.

Your husband has been humiliating me for the past few years now. But I would put up with his behaviour for your sake. I understood your feelings and knew he did not appreciate you. I did not want to add to your woes.

Ask your conscience. It will never lie.

Did you not have secret crushes and affairs with Raj at work? How can you have selective amnesia? I know how you murmured in your dreams every night when you slept beside me. If I brought all this into your present married life – will you be able to forgive me? If I told you about your husband’s past affair(s) would you be able to live peacefully?

Our elders have been magnanimous enough to remain tight-lipped about our past. They have never brought our past into our present. When will you both realize this and be grateful for it? When will you learn to do the same thing to others?

You blamed our mother for allowing me to return home. You asked her to be merciless with me. You told me that I had other intentions because I was independent again. You discussed our family traditions and brought all our ancestors into the picture.

But not once did you ask me what my real problem was.

You just manipulated my words and created a different picture in front of your husband and he ended up humiliating me. He did not even have the common sense to judge me correctly. He knew that I was not capable of doing such things. This really disturbed me because he has known me since my childhood years.

 I just want you to remember one thing. I am a firm believer in family values too. I am most certainly not a man chaser. And none of our scriptures states that abuse and fraud are acceptable in a marriage or family.

Will you treat me in the same manner if you find your husband cheating on you tomorrow? What would you do if your son-in-law cheated on your daughter? I am sure you will not keep quiet if any such thing happens to you. I know you will present the entire story in a different manner so that you get all the attention. I am very sure that you will take a quick decision if such a thing does happen to you.

Radhika, Shiv, Saradha and Bala: I just want you all to know that all siblings go through bad times and have petty fights with one another. I agree that there may be some jealousy amongst siblings. But none of you treated me normally. Maybe I could forgive all of you if this had been just a onetime occurrence. But all of you constantly humiliated me.

The words that you used to malign my character indicate that there is something inherently wrong with your mental health.
If you all had helped me and trusted me just once – I could have saved my marriage too.

Remember the drama that you all created when I first brought my issues to your notice? We had been married only for six months at that time. All of you took turns to scream at me and stopped talking to me after that. The real fact is horrifying. How will you all cover up for your behaviour when you get to know the real truth about my marriage?

A girl discusses almost everything with her siblings and parents before getting married. She trusts her family so she tells them when a boy proposes to her or expresses interest in her. She also talks about all the professional issues that she faces. A girl is always open about such things with her family.

But it is shocking to see that you manipulate such details to ruin your sibling’s life! How can I respect our relationship when you assassinate me with your words all the time?

I just want you to remember one thing. There is absolutely no need for you to answer any of my questions but you will definitely have to answer God one day. You Karma will surely follow you. And for God’s sake don’t think of this as a curse from me. It is just the irony of life. And finally, I choose to remove all of you from my life forever. I regret not doing this long ago.

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