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I Am Married To A Wonderful Person But I Still Want To Run Because Of This

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am in a place where I don't belong.

It's that feeling when you put yourself to sleep every night wishing that you wake up elsewhere. When everything you hear feels like a taunt and everything you say is a retort. When you are stuck in a place that you so desperately want to leave but your societal reputation doesn't approve and you pray for a day when you set yourself free of this fake care and just run. Run alone. Run to never look back. 

Yes, I am in that place, married to a wonderful husband and mother to a handsome baby boy. But, my home post-marriage has been this semi-village which is, for some stupid reason, called a part of New Delhi. You can find buffaloes tied to house-gates and chakki in the houses. Ladies here have mastered the art of managing walking amongst traffic with a yard long ghunghat drawn down their faces and there's so much superstition flowing in the air that even God might be mocking the un-thinkers for their baseless beliefs.

On top of it, I live with my in-laws. It's a big family and a loud one too.

I had a graduate degree from one of the best colleges in my field, had a work experience of four years before marriage and had stayed alone for eight years. Yes, mine was a match made in heaven.

There are things you know you will have to deal with post-marriage and you prepare yourself. You sort them out in your head, you make a virtual flowchart, and you feel confident. But when the virtual meets real, all hell breaks loose. You are bewildered and directionless.

There's more to this story, how I ended up here, what all I faced, what am I doing with my life now, and what am I going to do about my future. So if my story intrigues you.. I will write on.. come back for more later!

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