I’m a 28-year-old who lives a completely isolated life. I don’t like talking to anyone and enjoy my own company. Honestly, calling me an introvert is an understatement.
I don’t have friends, barely attend parties, and interact as little with my colleagues as possible.
My story dates back to January 2020, just before the pandemic hit. I used to live in Delhi and worked at an advertising agency. There was an office party, and as much as I wanted to avoid it, I had to go since it was a ‘fiesta-like’ party to celebrate a big win.
As you know by now, I really don’t enjoy human interaction. So, I went in, drank a bit, smoked a joint to loosen up. To be honest, it was actually a decent party, and I ended up dancing a little too.
The following day, I opened my phone to see a link to a common folder my colleagues had created to share pictures from the night before. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
There were photos of me with a female co-worker. We looked too ‘comfortable’, and I couldn’t believe that I was the one in the photos. I tried hard to think about what happened the night before. I had never talked to that co-worker before and didn’t know her well either.
The night was a blur; I had no choice but to ask her what had happened. She asked me to meet her at a nearby café, and I was baffled when I learned the truth.
She said I had approached her last night and we spent a lot of time together at the party. She also told me that I told her a lot about my life. When I asked her to tell me some of these things, it was a total lie. They weren’t true stories from my life at all. After that, she told me that we had gone back to her apartment and had sex. And according to her, it was a one-night stand.
Through her words, I thought that she was acting as if I was trying to get rid of her.
What was this story? Was it real? Am I losing my mind? I tried to remember everything about the party. I went through the evening bit by bit.
I remembered that at one point, I did pop a pill. But I wasn’t sure that it had something to do with my head. I wanted to have a good time, but I wasn’t sure how the pill ended up not only making me behave differently but also forgetting most of the night.
After returning to the office, I felt strange even when I looked at her. She confronted me as if she was okay and that I wasn’t willing to remember that night. I didn’t have to act that way.
Act that way!
I was f*****g losing my mind. I wasn’t acting in any way. Things started to change, but it was only the beginning.
A few weeks later, the lockdown hit, and the office turned to work from home. I decided to return to my hometown and bought a flight ticket for the next day. After packing up, I slept, eager to rush home.
The next morning, I opened my eyes. I was already in my hometown. This was now a concern. I checked my tickets again. My flight was for the next day; how did I wake up in my childhood home?
I saw the date and realised that an entire day had been skipped. I was beyond shocked. I needed to talk to someone about this, someone who could seriously help me.
I went to see a psychiatrist in my hometown. After observing me for two months and interacting with me, he told me that I was suffering from Schizophrenia.
This was surprising because no one in my family suffers from this. They probably haven’t even heard about this.
But the story didn’t end there. I had a few more episodes. However, I have become more observant and focused since I learned of this. My latest episode was from a few months ago, in March.
I’m doing better now. I know this is something I have to live with now. I blame myself for this as I didn’t let anyone in my life.