I admired her. It was a long distance relationship so phone was the only medium to connect. I used to wait for her call or message every morning. I would message her everyday after reaching office to let her know I reached safely. Those were my small ways of expressing love and I was thoroughly enjoying it.
I had an argument with her about discussing our relationship at home, with her family. Though in my heart I was dying to hear her voice, I didn't call or message her. I waited for her call, which never came for days and years. I mailed her asking for a reason and never got a reply. I have waited for 4.5 years for her and I am still searching.
I somehow was expecting that she will come back. Because I believed, looks never mattered to her. But she didn't. I begged, I cried, I prayed. But all in vain. Breaking up with the person whom you gave your heart, soul and mind to is more painful than death. You need to survive the aftermath and that was my instant thought.
I decided to build my career so that if she came back, she'd feel protected.
I moved to a new city to deal with life. That was another struggle in itself. New place, new people and no job. And the breakup experience was haunting me every moment. I decided to keep myself busy all the time. It was like I was dealing with a kid within myself. I had to console myself when I was crying. I started talking to myself more than I spoke with other people. I finally managed to get a job and started my career.
Gradually life started smiling at me again but I was struggling hard to come out of the pain. I had no idea what she was up to. So one day, I decided to check her profile on social media to find out where she was. I went to her college, which was in her hometown, searching for her. I just couldn't find her.
After a dramatic wait of several years, I finally met her again. I was exploding with emotions. I knew she wasn’t there to stay but I was happy to see her back in my life.
I have lived, loved and failed and I was finally starting to live again when I got the news of her marriage. I just could not believe it. It had not even been a year since our breakup and she had moved on with someone else. I was back to where I had started. Unfortunately, my life was also tied up with someone (my wife) who never wanted me in her life.
So, I decided again to find happiness in my first love. I promised her I will always love her even though she was with someone else. I requested her to come back to me and she agreed.
Then I made a big mistake and she lost her trust again. I was stopping some evil things from entering her life which she came to know about. I know I was in the wrong but my intention was always her happiness. I don't expect her to come back in my life but I don’t want evil spirits to affect her life either, so that she always stays safe with her husband and kid.
Though I claim to have healed completely, it has taken a part of my soul. I keep that part of my life untouched because I know if I tamper with it, I will end up suffering again. I can never forgive myself and even though she broke me, I still wish the best for her.