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When We Make Music, We're In A World We Own But In Reality, We Can't Claim Love

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am a musician - a guitarist to be precise and a singer too. No, I am not a guy with long hair, tattoos and piercings. I look like just another guy on the street. I can prove my talent only when I get a guitar. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be able to attract a single person towards me.

But when it comes to playing the guitar – I am kind of cool with that.

About 4 years back, I had been battling with my innermost demons. I still carried them from my past experiences. One fine day, I got a call from a music institute. They wanted me to give guitar lessons to their students.

I did not even think twice before accepting their offer because I had finally got a chance to overcome my past.

Suddenly I became a ‘Sir' from just another regular guy. Several students would inquire about the classes. One day, my senior told me that a girl was keen on learning how to play the guitar from me. That is how the whole thing started.

She was a fat, chubby and not so attractive girl. She was like old wine that was stored in an unattractive bottle.

This kind of wine may not smell all that good. It may not even have a remarkable taste. But when we sip on it, when we feel the wine, we get to know the value of the wine. She was my student now. Initially, we shared just a student-teacher relationship but soon it progressed from just ‘Sir' to ‘bhai bhai'. She loved using the masculine gender when she spoke with me.  So I would always call her my ‘bhai'. Soon we started sharing things.

I felt quite lucky to have found a marvellous friend like her.

Basically, I am a small town guy. Several aspects of my life are yet to be refined. I am pretty straightforward with my words.

I somehow always feel that people end up misbehaving or land themselves into awkward situations when they try to camouflage their true feelings. But I also realized that whenever I spoke my mind, people didn't quite like it.

So initially when she started using phrases like "I love you" and "I miss you" I didn't take it very seriously.

I was very sure that nothing good would ever happen to a boy who spoke so bluntly.

But she continued to talk in the same manner for days. I felt as if I was sipping on that vintage wine that I mentioned above. I too started speaking to her in the same manner.

We felt we had entered a dream world of our own.

One night, we ended up chatting endlessly. I asked her out and I was amazed when she accepted my invitation. I had not at all expected her to accept it.

I was so touched that I started crying with happiness.

But the very next day I was crying with sadness. We started looking at each other differently when we met outside the classroom. Those happy feelings that we shared were somehow missing now. We had been so happy as friends but now suddenly things were very awkward between us. We spent a couple of hours together.

I then told her that maybe we should remain in that phase of our relationship where we were happier together as friends.

We mutually agreed to remain friends. But very soon I realized that though I loved her I had asked her to remain just friends with me. Eventually, even the intensity of our friendship diminished. I realized that the sweet headiness of that old vintage wine had turned into a hangover now.

She was slipping out of my reach every day. It was happening ever so slowly but I knew she was moving out of my life. And suddenly one fine day it felt as if I had taken another sip of that old vintage wine.

We became closer as friends again.

We started our own classes and started giving music lessons to students. Things were going on very well between us. In fact, we shared a great rapport with each other now. We shared a lot of positivity with each other and our career was also flourishing. But the headiness of the wine had started giving way to a hangover again.

Things changed again and this time it was for a longer span of time.

New people were now a part of her life. And I felt lost amidst them. All those things that we did routinely soon turned into memories.

We are still together jamming in different places happily. But earlier I would always stand as close to her as possible. And now I stand somewhere around her. The only thing that I get to listen to is her giggling and laughing with a bunch of other people.

And as I stand at a distance – clapping for her, I calm myself with the only resources that are available to me – wine!

I don't know who is wrong. I don't know why we ended up like this. Maybe I was wrong because I misinterpreted everything. Maybe things could have been much simpler. I don't know how I got embroiled in all this. Maybe it was her fault. She should not have played with my emotions so blatantly. Maybe all this was written in my destiny so that I could just explore myself in a better manner.

Whatever the reason, this experience has changed me a lot. It's strange how time, a woman and a guitar can change so much in our lives……

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