Mental health True Story therapy Motivation

It Was 2015 When I First Got Suicidal Thoughts And Here I Am Today

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

My story starts in 2015 when I was just about to enter my medical college for MBBS in Rohtak. Things were fine in my life. However, there was this looming negativity that I could not get rid of no matter what. I didn’t quite know what was happening because I had never felt anything like this before. It was as if I was on a downward spiral. There came a time in October when I could not collect myself to get out of the house. I was actively suicidal and was harming myself regularly.

My parents insisted that I should see a therapist, and I did, but to no avail. They gave me some medicines and said that I might have clinical depression.

Nonetheless, I kept living in denial as I felt that depression is for the 'weak'.

It took me 18 months after moving to Bengaluru and seeing multiple specialists, along with medicines, electro-convulsive therapy, several suicide attempts, and complete social isolation, before I finally started accepting that I might have a mental illness.

When COVID-19 began, I was just about to leave for home for my mid-semester break. I was on the last leg of my recovery journey. My medication was about to end, and it finally seemed like I was ready to leave them behind, alas, not to be. A week into the lockdown, I was in therapy once again because it was all so overwhelming. I am a guy who likes to go out and meet new people or go to new places, and so, the lockdown was rough to deal with initially. It took me a long time to accept life for how it was.

Things seemed to be getting back to normal in January and February, and that was right when the deadly second wave came in this time. However, I am doing much better this time. And so, I sprang into action to be of as much help as possible to those around me.

I’ve been offering some hearing services this time under the supervision of a professional therapist. Had it been a normal time, it would have been unethical to do so, but times like these ardently call for therapy.

I am happy to have taken a step forward to help those in need right now. 

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