In a few weeks I complete 24 years of marriage. I was married to the man I loved. Life was full of hope. I was a happy, cheerful, friendly, radiant, pretty girl. I am left with so little of it all today.
Today, I find myself stripped of not only all of what I was but also my self esteem. I married a man who is mentally sick and disrespectful. I hear these words so often "everything a human being does is for sex! These are not my words Ria! These are the words of Sigmund Freud- the father of psychiatry." Is this even true? I doubt.
His conversations revolve around meaningless relations which he hallucinates of about me and any man I mention. Any man in our circle of friends,relatives or colleagues. He didn't even spare our son's paediatrician.
One day, I asked him if he thought the same way about his mother or young niece. And to my horror he said "Yes!"
Unfortunately my 19 year old son heard one such conversation where he was accusing me of illicit relations with a friend's neighbour. When my husband left for work that day my son told me "You know what you do when a man treats you like that? You slap him!"I cried so hard. I didn't want my son to have such hatred, such examples in his life. His father is not his hero. And that's a sad fate for a family. The man who ought to be his hero is the man he wants his mother to slap. His heart is wounded.
He said, " You have taken his nonsense all your life and now you want me to respect that man. I will not make the same mistake you did. I will tell him he is wrong when I feel. He doesn't deserve respect if he doesn't know to give it." He is scarred.
Did I cause those? Where did I go wrong? All I ever wanted was to love and to be loved.