Hi,

I am soon to be a divorced woman and I am not sad, depressed or crying. I did it for 2 years post marriage. But, every lady who is reading this, trust me- our existence is way above the happiness defined by our husbands. Our personality can not be decided by anyone, but us. It is ME and only ME who can take charge of how I feel and I choose happiness and independence today.

2 years of selflessness, unconditional and blind love, compassion, sati savitri attitude, karwa chauth, teej celebrations, washing utensils, cooking the dishes that he liked, spending every penny  I earned on running the household, holding back my wishes, wearing the under garments too of my mother in law's choice, getting disrespected by each and every family member of his , being financially exploited to facing horrendous violence from him , almost every 25 days. This is how my marriage gifted me the importance of self respect. How I was made to realize that a 32 year old man can not decide when I need to sit and when I need to stand. The 2 years made me realize that first I need to love myself and then expect him to respect me.

Icing on the cake is, I am 30 years old, working for a MNC, earning 1 lakh per month, Engineer and MBA, been a topper all my life from the best Mumbai colleges and a super star performer in all the 4 companies I have worked with till now. Yet, I suffered all this for 2 years for my love. Strange but true!

My learnings for life, I want to share with each of you who has given more importance to their life partner than their own self respect and aspiration.

Love is not supposed to be perfect. It is only supposed to be true. There is a crack in everything and that is how the light gets in.

Stop questioning: why me? Do we ever question why I got the best mother? Why I got a good job ? Or why do I look better than 50% of the girls in India? Or why am I fair? Or why am I not disabled physically?

If we do not question the good things in life then we are NOT SUPPOSED to question the bad things in life as well. Take it with a pinch of salt. Take it as a learning for life. Take it as a lesson. Appreciate those who don’t give up on you. Respect people. Don't forget to respect others because you were not respected by one person in this world.

Give yourself 5 emotional minutes every day and then you gotta be a gangster. It is not what has happened to you that determines how far you will go in life, it is how you handle what happens to you.

Your love is a legend, keep it alive for those who value it. Be adventurous. The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. Don't brood on things you can not control.

A smart man once said, "eventually, everything connects". So, the choice is yours. Either you run the day or the day runs you. If you want something you never had, remember you need to do something which you never did ever in your life before. So do it, for yourself and no one else. Wrongs will still happen.

Some days you need music and some days you need lyrics. So it’s a phase. Get out of your own way. There is a fine line between surviving and living. Use that line as a jump rope.

Accepting what has happened is the first step to overcome the consequence of any misfortune. Yes, my marriage did not last. Yes, my husband cheated on me. Yes, my girlfriend dumped me for a rich boy. Accept it as soon as possible.

Enjoy, laugh, cry, smile, appreciate, dress up, pep up, and MOVE ON… and time is indeed the best healer. Life is too short to cry on what did not deserve us. He did not deserve me. It is his loss and not mine. Life is supposed to be cherished for people who love us, for the people we love, for the God who made us beautiful and intelligent enough to comprehend life.

Don’t keep grudges, it will stop you from enjoying the best. Difficult but it is a must to start fresh, to be at peace, to stay happy. Remember the last scene of Queen movie where Kangana embraces her ex fiance’s mother as a gesture to thank her. It was the pain that she got which made her understand that life is beyond husband and the impression net of love. She saw the beautiful things in life, made friends, loved herself and travelled, all thanks to the pain she got.

Remember, until the lion learns how to write, every story will only glorify the hunter. So be the lion, take charge of your life and live, don’t just survive. Trends are supposed to change. Change the trend of sulking after a break up or divorce.

 So all in all, before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.

 Good luck!

From,

Soon to be a happily divorced lady:)

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