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An Open Letter To The Man Who Used Me For Sex During My Separation Period

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
Dear “lover”,

After I got separated from my husband and in-laws, I was in the middle of a dowry case. I was torn between whether to get a divorce or continue with things. I was broken. Having been the university topper always, from being the girl who used to love fun, I lost all my self-confidence. I was dejected. Then I came to a new place. A new place to start my life fresh. Then you came into my life. I had so many guys who showed interest in me prior to my marriage. I considered myself pure. I never dated anyone. I never had a boyfriend. I would refuse any guy who proposed to me. I went for an arranged marriage. Then you came, after I started fighting my case, you made me trust again. I trusted you with my life, with my emotions, with everything. You proposed to me and I said no, as my marital status was not clear.

You said you would be with me. You are young, and you have 3-4 years before you need to get married. I trusted you. I started loving you like crazy. I dreamt everything with you.

You made me consummate our relationship. I was guilty but you said it was love. Then you would visit me whenever you wanted to have sex. You never did anything to make me happy after you started having sex. Many times, I thought what is this and I doubted if you are a jerk. I fell madly and deeply for you as I was only 28 years old and was fighting with a bad marriage. But you behaved badly with me. You went home to get married. You agreed to get married to the girl which your parents had selected. You said it was forceful but I know it was not. I saw your pictures and it looked like you were happy. I know today that you never had intentions to marry me. You saw a new girl from a recently broken marriage. She was deprived of love, so you used her. Where is humanity? I had sleepless nights.

I cried for 6 months. You never cared about me. You just threw me out of your life like a doormat. I lost 5 kilos. I am now pale and underweight.

When I seek answers, you say you will delete me from your life. You say you will defame me in the society and say that I am a prostitute. I go home, and I cry till I cannot anymore. You even told me I made your life hell. What did you do to mine? I remember you even took money from me and never returned it. You used me financially and physically. I did everything for love and you used me all throughout. I feel dejected. You always said bad things about the new people I spoke with and I never made any friends because of it. I feel worthless.

Many times, I feel like dying. It has been 2 years and I haven't seen my estranged husband. My family says that now I should go back to the wife beater and give it a shot for 6 months before we end up in a mutual divorce. I feel suicidal. I don't want to reconcile with my ex-husband ever again. The relationship with you was short, for around 6 months we stayed in a relationship before you got married. But I still love you. When you needed me for sex only, why did you act like you loved me? I was too gullible to believe you. Maybe I was looking for my fairy tale in a world full of fuckers. Why did you not tell me the truth? You never wanted to marry me so why did you kill me emotionally for that? I am so unstable now. I want to know the answers.

Not yours, The girl you destroyed

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