I belong to a strict south Indian family. I am the first girl in my generation who works and that too in an MNC.

I got my training at Trivandrum. I was scared to go to another state. But I reached Trivandrum with lots of dreams in my heart. I met him there on the first day. He is not so charming and handsome for anyone to fall in love with him at first sight. But I just liked him for no reason. I wanted to become his friend. We did become friends slowly but we were more like colleagues and behaved formally.

After our training, we had to relocate to Pune and it was to be our base now. We got into the same project and lived in the same apartment here. We became close. We did not have any more misunderstandings and became really good friends.

It was not easy for me to win his heart as a friend. Well, I guess it takes some time and I was still like a buddy to him.

We belonged to a group of 8 friends in all. One night Aarthi, the friend I like the most, Aslam, Arvind and I slept on the same bed after playing a lot. That night, three of us went for a long drive on a bike. It was good.

While we were sleeping, I felt someone touching my hands. I was half asleep. But I knew Aslam was holding my hand and Arvind was sleeping. I just turned to his side and slept. I just put my hands on him. He came closer to me. I started sleeping. After sometime I felt something. Someone was kissing my lips.

Oh God! The guy whom I liked the most was kissing me. I didn’t think of anything because I was half asleep. I just kissed him. Now he gave me a harder kiss. It was the first kiss for both of us. It was really embarrassing for both of us because we were just friends.

I told him that maybe I was just physically attracted to him. I was so sorry to hide the fact that I actually liked him. We didn’t see each other for the entire day.

He bought some drinks in the night. The three of us had drinks. After a while Arvind went to bed and we both were in some other room. I was feeling extremely sleepy. He said, “Don’t sleep. Let’s watch movies.”

After some time, he kissed me. It was our first real kiss. I kissed him back. Then he went a little further. He said we were not having sex. But we did everything. He then denuded me. But I am still a virgin. I didn’t dare give my virginity to him.

In the morning, it was most embarrassing for both of us to face each other. It was all because of the drinks. I couldn’t forgive myself. Then it continued. We kissed each other and I began to like it. I began to fall for him. I became crazy about him. But he treated me like something that just satiated his lust. I too always said to myself that all this was happening because of lust because I was scared to open my heart.

One day I lost my control. We were about to have sex. He just stopped and said that I am not in love with you. So I can’t do this. I just showed him my diary and told him how I felt about him. He cried. He said he couldn’t forget his first love. They still loved each other. He said he thought of her 24*7.

I became depressed because I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be his love. I was crazy about him. He was the best. But his heart was full of that girl.

I hate it. I knew for a fact that he would never love me and that his love is reserved only for that girl. That hurts me the most.

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