I hope you are doing well. Just want to say a few things which I don't think you will ever know.
I loved you a lot, more than you knew. There was a time when I felt scared, only by the thought of spending the rest of my life without you. I had changed myself a lot just for the sake of your happiness. You were always insecure about me. I stopped getting in touch with my male friends because you thought they will flirt with me and I will end up having an affair. I had even distanced myself from my best friend.
You always checked my phone. Whenever we met, the first thing you wanted to see was my phone and I wasn't mature enough to go against this. Though we are not together, I want to tell you that the first year of our relationship was really amazing. We used to meet for coffee almost every day and sit at the same place. For the first time in life, I realized someone can love me, with pure love, where physical intimacy was secondary.
There were so many guys who had proposed to me but I always had trust issues. After meeting you, I could feel the love of a guy. I was on cloud nine. We talked to each other for hours. I still remember the day when you disclosed your caste, and actually, at that time, I didn't know so much about the Indian caste system. The only thing I understood was that I was a Brahmin girl and you belonged to another caste, but that really didn't matter to me, ever.
I was ready to fight with the whole society. The only thing that mattered to me was our love.
Remember the first time you had kissed me on my cheeks? It was raining. Do you remember how your birthdays were like a festival to me? I did everything to keep you happy. You always had doubts about me. Then one day, you lost your job and everything changed. Your frustration spoiled our love.
I always have been an independent girl. I was the one who mostly paid for our dates. Money never mattered to me. I always thought whether it's mine or yours, it's the same thing. But you had started thinking that I will leave you for someone who is financially more independent. Adding fire to everything, was your orthodox family, who thought I stole their most eligible son from them by doing some black magic.
I was simply an emotional person who was just seeking true love.
Remember that time when one day you suddenly said you can't marry me because of the caste difference and we couldn't have a normal wedding function? Also, you had thought I will keep you away from your parents because I was a very 'advanced' girl. Your mother once told me that my family will have to give one "Sone ka haar" as chadhawa in the wedding function. However when you asked your mother about this, she didn't accept that she had said it.
Remember the day when I was crying in front of you and was begging you not to leave me as I couldn't imagine my life without you? You just sat there normally. The next day out of my ego I said yes to a boy whose family was interested in making me their daughter in law. Then your ego got hurt and you came back to me saying you can't live without me. Again, I was fooled, accepted you and broke my engagement with that boy.
This new beginning was not like before. You hardly managed to meet me or call me up. I was the one who always wanted to see you. I never saw that kind of excitement in you. You were struggling with your job. I tried to keep you happy. I waited for your calls, messages, to see your face, I tried to fix everything because I wanted to be with you. I even told you to let's have a court marriage but you didn't have the guts to face the society.
For the surety of this relationship, you wanted to have sex with me. You used to tell me "We have completed 3 years together and you are still a virgin. See how good I am".
Is it that important to have sex, if you love the person? I don't think so. Remember the day when you took me along to some place and started getting physical with me without my consent? Remember the day when you tried to force yourself on me, when I was stopping you not to touch me. After that you said "Tum koi doodh ki dhuli nahi ho".
That day I lost all respect for you. I know you loved me but your love was conditional. I am married now, to the best man in this world. The way he treats me you couldn't even think of it. I know you are still single, sometimes I feel guilty for not being with you. But actually, I tried everything. I am sorry that I loved you a lot.
You clearly never deserved me.
Your ex girlfriend.