Single – Married – Divorced It’s a part of me, it’s not all of me.
A part of my life is now a journey where I traveled from being single – to – married – to – divorced in a span of 11 years. I believe in love; I believe in companionship and I believe in marriage – clearly the end of that journey doesn’t define my belief. I also believe in sincerity, honesty and hard work in every aspect of my life.
As a kid, I wasn’t a “good student”. I didn’t get good grades; I would sit in the class and stare outside the window only to avoid studies (not because I was stopped from playing or anything). I loved conversations so I had many good friends (who were often dissuaded from spending time with me since “grades” were questionable – but don’t we all do just the opposite of what parents ask us to. Or maybe I was a fun company to have). I didn’t have a knack of cracking exams and I still don’t.
I do however, have a knack to listen and learn, watch and learn, read and learn and I will continue learning through life. But this, one experience of being in a one-sided marriage, has taught me many lessons.
I will list out a few:
• I learnt not to blame myself for a decision I took 12 years back.
• I learnt to look at the ‘why’ behind his actions or inactions.
• I learnt that there are words and there are actions. Actions always speak louder.
• I learnt that strength doesn’t come from reaction, it comes from action – which you take when you are ready.
• I learnt that the decision to take action always has to be yours. Not your parents, or your sibling, just you.
• I learnt that to have parents and siblings and friends who support and cheer you, is a privilege and a blessing and you reciprocate with love, empathy, support and kindness.
In 2016, Humans of Bombay spoke to me about my life as a working married woman who stays away from her husband and the post went viral. I received immense love and cheer and till date I stand by every word I said. In 2020, I am not married anymore but I am still working (thank god for that). I say that because those who don’t know the story, are often heard citing my work as the reason for my divorce.
Work only gives you, it gives you satisfaction and/or stress, competence and/or complication, financial independence and/or dependence. It takes your time and energy but mostly, gives back – what you decide to take, is on you.
I did not grow up aspiring much more than a paced out and mindful life, which I manage to live in a city like Mumbai. My work gives me the freedom to be me, with no fear and nothing to lose. Yes, there are financial responsibilities, but I learnt how to plan my finances (took me 3 years but I learnt).
My work is also my outlet where I put all my energy to focus on things that matter and things that are unconventional and ideas that are innovative (in my head). It gives me the ability to stand tall and yet doesn’t take away the joy of cooking for my 7-year-old and her friends or helping her with her homework or making sure fancy-dress competition is taken as seriously as the EVS project. It lets me sit in peace and enjoy the sunset and also gives me the adrenaline rush when I look at the website getting closer to the launch. My work gave me the wings of experience which allows me to sit and decide my journey and not define my destination.
I am the girl raised by my parents in a small city called Ranchi and all the experience of 17 years. I am the girl who was a part of the inception batch of DPS Ranchi and spent 10 years there before moving to DAV Shyamali (leaving friends behind for the first time). I am also the girl, who wasn’t good with studies but turned out to be a half decent human and a good friend. I am the girl who wanted to be an air hostess and instead studied the law and wanted to litigate. I am also the girl who decided to quit the practice of law and moved to recruitment consulting, then to business development and then to practice development.
I am also the mother who is blessed with an easy kid (on most days). I am the employee who was brutally honest and completely invested in the places I have worked at and I am also the one who was screamed at and had papers thrown at me.
I am the friend who would get angry when people didn’t show up on time and I am also the friend who will never say – why don’t you call/ message/ never keep in touch (only because I don’t do these things and listen instead)?
I am the girl who is now an entrepreneur, who started out on my own with nothing but honesty and have been at it ever since without looking back. I am a sum total of all of this and more. I am much more than the box I tick on a form.