This is an apology to the man I left when he needed me the most.
It's been over a year now, and I have made numerous attempts to get back to him, but nothing worked.
So I gave up. Not on him or what I feel for him, but on trying to get him back in my life.
He was the man who fixed me and put my broken pieces back together. He held my hand through thick and thin and showed me what I want from life. I had never been so sorted and confident about myself before. He somehow always said the right things. Exactly the things I needed to be told. I can't think of one situation where he wasn't there for me.
For me, he was my guiding star, his voice was (and still is) the Sufi that soothes my soul, the cup of coffee that eases your nerves and the candle that burns itself to light up your life.
I wish I could tell you what you mean to me before you left, I wish we cross paths again.
I'm sorry I gave up on us. I'm sorry I went by the social standards of a happy relationship. I'm sorry I didn't hold on.
Even after leaving me, the last thing he said, was that nobody is an exception to recovery and that you must move on. I'm trying, but nothing helps. Sometimes the pain even comforts me. Thinking about us, about the conversations we once had instantly brings a smile on my face. When I'm tensed and baffled, I can hear you whispering "Jaan" :)
Whatever little I have achieved in the last two years, is because of you. It's because of the self confidence you had instilled in me. It's because inspite of not being there, you've helped me to rise above my failures through the things you had once told me and through that smile of yours which sets everything right.
Leaving you is the biggest regret of my life. I'm glad you've found love in someone else and that you are happy. I wish you all the best for life and may you have all that you've ever asked for.
I hope I too can move on someday.
Thank you for everything.