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To The Guy Who Loves Me In Silence: I Can Hear You

( words)
*For representational purpose only.


For you, I feel like writing a letter. Why should I be shy while writing also? I'll admit it- I'm writing you a love letter. But you know, don't you, that I could write a whole volume of love letters for you? Kaani, I won't. I won't make your heart skip those many beats- just one at a time, for as long as time keeps us together.

I still haven't told you, no? I haven't held your hands, looked in your eyes, blushed like I do in my imagination, and told you that I love you. Because we don't do things like that, because we can love each other in silence.

I know that we tend to be far apart, building worlds that we have always dreamed of. I know that our paths cross less frequently than other lovers', but just often enough to keep us going. I know that we have fewer hours and endearments between us. And I know, most of all, that you and I are on each other's minds, no matter what, whispering words of faith and encouragement.

I always seem to be caught between two kisses suspended in time, looking into your eyes, those eyes that are the colour of nimbu chai.

I love those eyes and all that they say to me when we hold hands and sit next to each other. I love those eyes when they look at me in the mirror and rest your bearded chin on my head. Again, I love those eyes when I have a "girlfriend moment" and make childish demands.

"Take me to Necklace road!" I say "I want to watch Baahubali on the IMAX screen!" I 'hint' very, very heavily. And then you give me a big smile, which is actually a quiet laugh, and you, chirunavvutoo, say "Alaagey! Like that only."

Like that only, you'll put my lady-dreams to rest, like that only you'll fulfil all of them. It's your instinct to keep saying "Okay, bangaaram," and I know that our lives are not designed for these little joys, so I'll always say "It's okay, bangaaram."

We can give the small things a miss. We still have us. We have lives that we're sweating to build, lives that are sweeter than dreams. We have passion in our blood, and contentment in every moment we spend with each other, never mind that I have to start work at 6 in the morning, and you have to hurry out before I can even make you a cup of coffee.

Sometimes I open Tinder again to see exactly how many miles away you are from me. 

It's okay, my big-nice guy. It's okay, my bangaaram. I don't need you to be right next to me to love you this much. I love you in silence, just the way you do too. And I'll love you some more when you come back, and when I see your nimbu chai eyes. And we will be together as if we had never been apart.

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