second marriage ethical dilemma guilt difficult relationship

I Did This To Build A Bond With My Stepson But I Feel Guilty. Was I Wrong?

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Hello friends. I just want to share my life with people which I couldn't till now. I know what I did is against the morals of our society but I did what I did and I am guilty about it. I am using this as a platform to share my experience and remove some guilt within me.

First let me introduce myself. I am in my mid 20s, a housewife and also my husband’s second wife. His first wife was actually my elder sister who had met with an accident and expired. So, later on my family made me marry my sister’s husband only. I was against this but our social ethics and morals couldn't save me from this and I had to accept the marriage. Now, my husband and my sister already had a teenage child Shreyas, who was now also my step son.

My relationship with my step son was not good. He never used to consider me as his mom and would not talk much with me either. Since my husband used to work abroad, he mostly stayed away from home and would come home once in a while or so . Thus, I had to stay with my stepson alone. My stepson would consider me as someone evil and ignored me a lot. I would try my best to be friendly with him but all was in vain and he never considered me his mom.

I was getting the feeling of being a witch mom which hurt me a lot. I loved him genuinely but he couldn't understand my feeling and made me feel like a bad step mom. Days passed on, and I gave birth to a baby.

Soon I noticed one peculiar thing in him that, whenever I used to breastfeed my baby he would peep at me while trying to hide himself. I saw it many times and even asked him what he was doing, but he would get tensed and run away. This continued many times. Later, I started ignoring him as he was still a child. Daily I would notice him peeping on me while I was feeding my kid.

Then one day when I was breastfeeding my baby on the couch I saw him peeping from his room. I saw that and called him and told him that I knew he was peeping and asked him not to run away. Then he came towards me shyly. I told him he need not be afraid and that I am his mom now and was feeding his little brother.

So I made him sit beside me. He then started to stare at my breast. I was a bit harassed and gave him a smile with my baby suckling on my breast. I ignored him and started to watch TV but he was sitting beside me watching my baby suckle.

Then suddenly my stepson said ”MOM I am your son na, but I have not suckled your breast. I have not even seen your nipple nor played with them so being your son I should have done that na?” saying that he kept quiet and stared at my breast.

I was shocked with it. I hadn't thought he would speak like that. But for the first he had called me mom. I didn't understand what to do. I quietly got up and placed my baby to sleep in the room. My step son was still in the same position in the same room. I guess he too was shocked by telling those things.

I then thought to myself as to what should I do now? Should I feed him or no. But he was old enough, to not need my feed. I didn’t understand what to do. I was in full dilemma. Later, I thought that there was nothing wrong in feeding my stepson as he was like my son now and hadn't ever suckled my breast and also I thought it would be a good way to make bond with him and make him feel like my son. So, I decided to feed my stepson and make him happy.

I then went close to him and smiled at him but he didn't respond. I then told him ”if I feed you then will you consider me your mom??” He said yes and would call me mom and would love me a lot. Hearing this I slowly opened my saree and took my left breast out which was full. I was wearing a saree and a blouse that time.

Then I asked him to suck his mother's milk. He took my nipple in his mouth and started to suckle. It was an amazing feeling for me. I just loved the feeling of him feeding off me. It was bit painful because of his teeth but I enjoyed it a lot. My stepson was gulping my milk and suckling it like a cute baby. Within few minutes he emptied my breasts.

After this he was shy and didn’t want to see me. I then hugged him and kissed him. Then slowly he got fine with me. He thanked me for feeding him and told I was his like his real mom now. I felt very happy as my milk was not wasted. Now again he asks me to give him my breasts to feed but I only allow him occasionally.

So this is how I built my bond with my stepson. I have never told this to anyone or shared it with anyone. It's just that I don't have the courage to tell it to others and face the consequences. Not even my husband knows about it.

What you think about it?? Did I do right??Please comment on it.


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