Writing is the only way which helps me now to move on and fill the void within me; after my best friend left me for a reason, which I’ll never know or maybe falling in love with her was the reason.
My previous posts were about her. And how could I fall for my best-friend then losing her all of a sudden? Every second of my life, I miss her and think about her “How she would be doing without me?” and another second my heart interrupts and convinces me, “She definitely will be doing fine.”
The continuous struggle between heart and mind drains me every second of my life as we never imagined one day we’ll be no longer on talking terms. Whenever my mind starts tickling my heart with her thoughts, my soul plays the role of pacifier between our struggle. My mind plays all her good memories and, the heart brings the most tasteless memories of our friendship to counter.
My soul consoles me how unlucky in every friendship/relationship I have ever been in the past. And makes me realise, how a childhood crush of mine had treated me 15 years ago and again in summer of 2020 even after saving her from online phishing scam where she ended up paying one lakh rupees to a stranger and getting extorted for another four lakh rupees? People do not care about your existence, what they care about is themselves!
I sometimes wish to become like them to give them the taste of their own medicine, but I know if I ever treated them the same way then, there will not be any difference left between them & I. Well, that’s not how everything ends up within me. The struggle is temporary & peace is constant and, to find the peace within, I solely shut down my mind and hear the silence of my heart & soul, which tells me; How beautiful the peace is deep within?
But in actual, what my soul tells me is to experience the music of silence. Music which we find it hard to hear within; due to the noise, which our mind makes every day with countless thoughts. The music which yogis experience after the long sessions of deep mediation, which I can feel by loving little more and, realising how pain can bring the much-needed peace within.
The silence within here is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced, and I am sure it will be equally beautiful like hugging her tightly, kissing on her forehead while looking into her eyes. Kissing on her lips before; clasping within the warmth of her body; drowning deep in her fragrance; before leaving love marks on her body. The silence of love is beyond expressing through the words, it gives a sense of freedom to the lovers.
Love, with the silence inside gives the reason to cherish to be present and be lost in the peace. Silence within is like a flowing river, moving wind with a mist of orgasm, never-ending time loop of love. Letting her go is the only reason for being in love, making her realise what love does to you.
I don’t need to be with you for loving you. What I need, is myself and peace with a pinch of love to be insanely in love with you. Neither I know when I’ll stop writing about her nor I know, how many thoughts & sleepless nights will keep killing me this way.